Tuesday 25 November 2008

The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

I left for Dubai in the early (snowy) hours of Sunday morning. CB had been staying at mine for a week and a half and, surprisingly, I didn't want to go. Aside from no one wanting to get out of a warm snuggled bed on a very cold Sunday morning, I also didn't want to leave him. A first for me as after a week and a half history would have had me bolting out the door quicker then you could say, Warm Weather and Duty Free Await You. Never the less, reluctantly I left and a mere 12 hours later (flight delays surprise surprise) I was stripping off layers to manage my body temperature on the way to the car from the airport terminal in DXB. I used to hate Dubai, soulless and plastic, it reminded me of all the people I left behind in LA. The people that I considered myself better off without. The people and the places that would crumble to dust if you scratched the surface of their pristine and shiny surface. I have come to enjoy my time here though and it never hurts to be in a warm climate. The airport in Dubai, however, always makes me panic a little. Partially because I am usually hand carrying far more IT then one should, but also because of the bodies everywhere. It's odd and I don't understand it, but the airport is littered with half covered bodies. Fully clothed except for shoes and socks, travellers pull a blanket over the entire top half of themselves and lie on the ground all around the terminal. There are so many migrant workers here building the towering structures that glint under the unforgiving rays of the constant sun. My assumption is that this makeshift sleeping quarter is a result of transient workers with no place to stay either en route or leaving the UAE. Regardless, it was particularly disturbing this time round. First, I landed in the early morning hours which might account for the particularly large numbers of floor patrons. Additionally, I nearly finished a book on the plane about Afghanistan's struggle for freedom over the last 30 years. The book was amazing, but to say the least it was very sad. There were numerous stories of refugee camps and people dying of starvation at best and by militia at worst. So when I walked through the airport, the images my mind had painted from the book, sprang to life in the stuffy confines of terminal 1.

I didn't sleep save for a couple of hours Sunday night. The book, the airport, the large empty bed. Nothing was missing and everything was incomplete. I drifted through my meetings yesterday in a haze of exhaustion and after a hot bath and 2 generous glasses of wine, poured myself into bed to finish the final chapters in my book. 30 minutes and a box of tissue later I called CB with a horrible case of middle class guilt (and maybe a little PMT?). I often travel to places where there is extreme poverty behind a thinly veiled facade of a city thriving. I travel for business, so I stay in hotels that are impossibly expensive for most of the people living in the country. I ride in taxis and eat at restaurants that insulate me from the reality of 90% of the population. When I can, I stay on in places and try to see the "real" side of the city, but this isn't always possible as my schedule can get really tight. I don't know if I am alone here, but I feel incredibly guilty for this. Yes, I am contributing to the local economy in a round about way, but why should I be afforded these opportunities when others can't afford to eat. The vivid pictures painted in the book of starvation, of fear, of desperation, of longing and of love; only served to reinforce this already existing sentiment for me.
I couldn't sleep again last night, so I logged on the read what Fweng had to say. I am not sure which was more disturbing, his post or my self imposed loathing of all things luxurious. I can't decide if it's my mind that won't let me sleep or the absence of the first person who makes me not want to be alone.

Monday 17 November 2008

Co-Habitating

I realised today one of the downsides to cohabitation. I will spare you the long drawn out story, but despite last weekend being our intended move date, CB and I will not be moving into our new place until March. Not for lack of trying but several factors beyond our control necessitated that we put the move off. So in the interim, CB is spending a few solid weeks at mine here and there, instead of going back and forth. I work from home a couple of days a week and when I do I normally work very long days. Like 7:30 in the morning to 8 or 9 at night. It allows me to get loads done without the hassle and time of commuting. Also I can do a couple of things around the flat during the day like laundry etc. Because I work long hours and I don't have to see anyone, I don't really look so hot...if you know what I mean. It's rare that I even get out of my PJs much less shower or put make up on. So here I am working from home today and also fighting a cold (which means I am even less attractive) and I realised that I need to look presentable when CB comes home from work. What good will clean pants for him be if I look like pants?

Wednesday 12 November 2008

WHY?



I just ate a bag of wine gums. The whole thing. Not a small bag. I feel really sick now. Why was it calling my name? Why did it look so lonely? Perhaps because when opening them my colleague asked if wine gums actually contain wine. The wine gums and I were equally traumatised.

Wednesday 5 November 2008

1460

The number of days gone since I landed on the shores of this small island called England. It was the day after the worst political debacle of my lifetime (so far). I remember rocking up to the pub that night and being accosted straight away for being a septic piece of shit. All I did was order a pint, so I was appropriately taken aback at all of the hostility and pent up anger of a nation being unleashed on me. Also I had no idea what septic meant. Fast forward 4 years and I have somehow managed to win over the Brits. Well, not all of them, but enough. I now also speak more cockney then I would like (and more then CB would like for that matter) and I can throw down with the best of them. I coward away from the bar 4 years ago and slinked back to my table of colleagues. I didn't even relay the story for fear that something I had done had immediately zeroed me out. Ahh hindsight is 20/20. I now know that the only thing I did wrong was open my mouth. I spent the next year wondering what I had done and why I was in this rainy miserable country. The following year I tallied up the number of countries I had been to in 1 year, the friends from all over the world that I had made and the incredible fun to be had. That was the year I learned to love this rainy miserable country. The third year I went to Australia for holiday and never wanted to come back. I again asked myself what I was doing in this rainy miserable country. But I did come back and I met CB and I changed jobs and was never more grateful for the rainy miserable country I called home. That was nearly 2 years ago now. Embarking on my 5th year in London feels like an accomplishment, I am still alive and still have my original liver. Result! I have only been robbed 3x, had my bank account cloned 3x and had my identity nicked once. Oh and there was that brawl in the pub. Never mind. I think that's a stellar record for four years as a London Lass.

I woke up early this morning in anticipation that America had got it right this time and I could once again stand up as a proud American girl. While in the shower (I was too excited to turn the news on first) I thought of how much I have changed in the last 4 years. Some bad (I HATE when my commute is interrupted because someone has flung themselves in front of the Tube-On your own time people!) but mostly good. I love London and I love my life here, but for the first time in a long time I love that I am American too. We finally got it right.