In cognito and on a roll

Me and my new brunette self have been travelling the globe in disguise. I'm a closet American, a former blonde and a secret sleeper. Although to some my accent gives me away and well my general bimbo qualities quickly betray the brunette job. To be honest, the dark circles aren't quite deep enough to convince people that I get NO sleep either. I would guess they have me pegged for 3 hours a night these days. SUCKERS! It's 4.

Anyway, being a closet American who has been in more then 5 countries in the last 6 weeks I have had the pleasure (or in most cases the disgrace) of listening in on a plethora of observations on the US elections. Thankfully I voted (absentee of course) before I left London. My friend who is Dutch, but lives in New York, happened to be visiting the weekend I filled out my ballot. She mailed it from the US for me, saving me extra postage and helping her be part of the US democratic process. Everyone's a winner. I had this horrible dream last week in Dubai. I was made redundant and got deported. I was staying with a friend in the US and working at Starbucks. Even the short time I worked there (via my dream this is) I was already irritated at the stupid people who use needless adjectives to order. Dry? Extra Hot? Why do these things make your coffee better I ask? And ask I did, I think I was on the verge of being fired from Starbucks. Clearly I am even grumpy in my dreams. Anyway, Cricket Boy could not come and join me as McCain and Palin had won the election and clamped down on immigration. Plus my friends cat has a hard enough time being nice to me, I doubt she would adapt to someone who didn't sneeze violently everytime she was near. About this election, everyone has an opinion. And share they do. It's like a damn has broken when someone blows my cover and outs me as an American. Week before last at a dinner in the Middle East a Lebanese, Jordanian, Palestinian and Egyptian were sat with me. A Canadian walked by and ratted me out. They all started shouting (in the nicest way possible of course) asking who I voted for etc, but before I could answer they were all up in my face with their feelings on the election, the electoral college, the democratic process and McDonald's (don't ask). They got so distracted amongst themselves I never had to answer the question.

On a secondary topic, it's amazing how liberating it is to completely change your look in 3, erm ok 4.5 hours. I always love being a woman, but I especially love it now. Apparently I look really different. Multiple people over the last three weeks have said they didn't recognise me. SWEET! And while I am on the topic of hair, who told men they could wear head bands? In a business meeting. With a corduroy jacket. I won't mention which country this was in for fear of being mobbed by the crazy blog police who love certain countries and think I am bashing them. I'll give you a hint though, it rhymes with furkey.

Lastly and then I will shut up, I would like to make a small shout out/request. Can whoever stole my identity to buy an O2 mobile do me a few favours? Next time pick a nicer one. Seriously, it's embarrassing to have that piece of junk associated with my name. Also, can you put some money in the bank for me, call my Gran pretending to be me and pick up my dry cleaning? Thanks!

Just so you know, that's not actually a photo of me and my new hair. Just in case you were confused or wondering.