Train Rage

Driving cultures have coined the term road rage, there should be urban slang for public transport rage. Look no further. Your resident expert with misdirected anger is on the case. I have what I call an "outburst" probably once every 3 months. It's transport rage in general, but it tends to unleash itself on the trains and tubes. Maybe it's because buses often necessitate being stuck with your fellow passengers for longer or maybe it's the series of events that lead up to my time on the train. This morning, for instance, after a string of mishaps in getting out of the house (coffee flying everywhere in the kitchen, stubbing my toe on the corner of the bathtub, mascara running out...you know the likes) I finally made my way to the tube. I am addicted to the new Snow Patrol and was bopping along to The Planets Between Us when some nanny with a massive pram and 2 toddlers in tow nearly mowed me down. Relegated to walking in the street, I then stepped in a massive puddle. Lovely. Once back on the sidewalk, I nearly slide on dog poo. Why people do not pick up after their dogs is beyond me. If you aren't responsible enough to save your neighbours from the threat of blindness you shouldn't be allowed to own a dog. I was then hooted and hollered at as I walked by the street works. It's like 3 degrees in London right now. I am wearing about 4 layers including woolly tights (which are now splattered with mud), scarf, coat....WHAT IS ATTRACTIVE ABOUT THAT? Huh? WHAT?! So, now I am in a right foul mood as I carry on through the barriers to wait for the tube. Super crowded this morning for some reason, so after grabbing a pole I was shoved and pushed from every angle. Made it to Paddington only to find that I had to hike up the 5 flights of stairs as the escalator was packed and I was already running late. Layers coming off now, I was sweating like a whore in church as I ascend onto the platform and saw that all 5 self service ticket machines were occupied by dumb, dumber and dumbest. Eventually got my tickets with 3 minutes to spare and dashed for the train. One of the massive disadvantages to being a tiny girl is that I get shoved, kicked and generally knocked about completely unintentionally. I think there are a lot of rude people, fair enough, but half of the time that I get smashed into, I am convinced it's actually an accident. Luckily I have the chutzpah of a 6ft tall line backer. So after nearly being knocked into the gap, I get on the train and breath a sigh of relief. I go to the quiet carriage where there are loads of seats. No sooner then I had sat down and begun to cool off, some very very large man stands in front of me asking to get into the seat next to me. I look around and there are empty seats everywhere. WHY my seat? I am in the back, not well located, clearly schvitzing and not socially acceptable to sit next to. He sees me looking around the train at all the other empty seats. He takes that as a sign that I am not going to get out to let him in, even though I am already standing up to try and inch out. He then starts to try and squeeze past me. ERM, Excuse me, Sir? Where is the fire? I am getting out if you will give me 2 seconds. Oblivious he carries on. ERM, SIR EXCUSE ME. He looks at me like I am the one who is being unreasonable. I get out he gets in, but the beast has already been unleashed. He gets in and is spilling into my seat leaving me about an inch of non contact space. Sod it, I thought, and got up to leave. You don't have to be rude, he shouts. ME? ME? I AM RUDE? Bugger off you prick.




That's my outburst done for the first quarter of the year.