transport tips for London

I know my recent posts have all consisted of lists (which let's face it, are a cop out) and for that I apologise. As soon as my world stops spinning out of control I will return to witty stories and cheeky observations, but for another day. This day I give you my jaded, 3 years in the Big Smoke, everyone but me is an idiot, top tips for surviving London transport. I can't,however,guarantee your sanity will remain in tact as a result of these tips. Better the devil you know, I say.
-most of the time (there are very few exceptions) there is no reason to sprint for the tube, hurdle your body-and your massive bag which you insist on rolling behind you for the 8 hours you will be at work-into the others calmly waiting on the tube. Everyone is already smashed like sardines and your lack of hand eye coordination creates a chain reaction of unwanted bodily contact
-please don't breathe on your fellow passangers. None of us wants to be there but your breath (especially if you smoke) makes the journey even less tolerable. Ditto for air that comes from places other then your mouth. Honestly, are you even remotely civilised?
-don't stare at people. In America we teach our children that this is rude. I think that rule should be international. And no being drunk is not an excuse
-if you are too cheap to take a cab to the airport and you have luggage bigger then some African countries, could you kindly plan ahead and not travel on Monday at 8am, or 6pm for that matter
-your bag/handbag/lunch/newspaper shouldn't have its own seat unless it also has its own ticket
-there is such a thing as travel karma. For every time you shove someone out of the way, you miss a train or tube